Saturday, December 19, 2009

Ask Dr. Snow Panic, Part Two

Dear Mr. Snow Panic: [That's Dr. Snow Panic to you!]

I am out of licorice. I don't like licorice. Should I have run out to buy some anyway considering I may never have the chance to give licorice a second shot because I may very well be trapped inside my house for many months? Please explain this phenomena.

Sincerely, Irrational in West Virginia

Dear IiWV:

In these times of snowpocalypse, skip the licorice and go straight for the liquor-ish. As you may have run through the liquor cabinet already, substitutes such as cough medicine will do in a pinch, if you can find an appropriate mixer. (I got this idea from the very special episode of Family Ties with Tom Hanks as the alcoholic uncle.) Rubbing alcohol has potential, but it may be hard to make it to the hospital, what with the four feet of snow outside. (I got this idea from Kitty Dukakis.) Although I hate to traffic in stereotypes, as you live in West Virginia, it's unlikely you can travel more than a quarter mile in any direction without bumping into a still. (I got this idea from Snuffy Smith.) Good luck!