Saturday, December 19, 2009

Ask Mr. Snow Panic

We have our first question for Mr. Snow Panic.

Dear Mr. Snow Panic--I have a concern. In all the movies I've ever seen, when people get stuck in a house together by bad weather, somebody goes on a homicidal rage and kills everyone else (the movies seem divided about whether cannibalism is necessarily involved). Anyway, I'm stuck in my house with several other people. How can I tell which person is going to be the killer? Or should I just kill all of the others first to make sure I don't get killed?

Thanks for your help.

Dear Victim #5...I mean, concerned citizen:

If I told you to kill all of the others first, then I would be the killer, and I don't want that on my conscience. Usually in these movies, villains do not reveal themselves until they come for you. The rare exception is if someone in the house is carrying twins, then one of the twins will turn out to be "Chucky". Immediately after their birth, rush them to a Catholic priest to determine which one needs the exorcism. Hopefully you have not done anything to put yourself on the outs with the Catholic church. Good luck!