Twenty-five inches of snow isn't going to stop Dr. Snowpanic. OK, interrupted Internet access is, but it's working again! Time to search the news for more snow-related insanity. As always, send your tips to jon@snowpanic.com.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Dr. Snowpanic Is Back!
Twenty-five inches of snow isn't going to stop Dr. Snowpanic. OK, interrupted Internet access is, but it's working again! Time to search the news for more snow-related insanity. As always, send your tips to jon@snowpanic.com.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Snow plow panic
I'm having trouble following the news here without Internet access, but I just read our town e-mail list. Someone was asking if the whole town was without power. Thanfully, I knew that we're not, but apparently a tree fell down on a nearby street, taking out a power line and trapping the town snow plow.
Great.
In other news, I dug out far enough to see the giant block of ice hanging from our cable TV line -- that probably explains why the Internet is out.
Snow Crafts and Activities, Episode 2
During the SnowPocalypse, we here at SnowPanic.com reminded you to stay at home and safe. During the current Snowmaggedon, we have additional fun if evanescent crafts for you to try.
1. Make ice cream using half-and-half, milk, any fruit or hot chocolate mixes, and snow. Lots and lots of snow.
2. Home alone? Need a date? Make a snowman or woman to keep you company in the long, winter nights. When the power goes out you can bring your date inside. Be sure to dress them if you create anatomically correct ones.
3. Using a spare drape or sheet, create a set of racing flags. Have your family and/or neighbors build their own snow-carts and have street racing on unplowed streets.
4. Play hide and seek with your kids! After bundling them up in layers and snowsuits, toss them into a snow drift, then call your husband or other kids find them while you go inside and enjoy the quiet. (If you have no kids, you may substitute pets.)
5. Prepare for the upcoming holidays by creating your own Valentines using presidents' portraits cut from your children’s schoolbooks.
6. Build a hot-air balloon using aluminum foil, a propane heating tank, plastic tarps, and a laundry basket. After setting it aloft, call the news and tell them you think your service animal was inside – or anything that might grab the newscasters’ attention from the snow.
7. Create macaroni pictures using pasta, matzo, flour-&-water paste, and food coloring. Be sure to use all edible ingredients and eat it later, because you won’t be able to get to the store for days.
8. Mix fireplace ash with the snow to create ethnic snow-people.
9. Make snow angels by playing chicken with the snowplows or tractor trailers.
10. Create your own crafts idea and submit it to SnowPanic.com.
1. Make ice cream using half-and-half, milk, any fruit or hot chocolate mixes, and snow. Lots and lots of snow.
2. Home alone? Need a date? Make a snowman or woman to keep you company in the long, winter nights. When the power goes out you can bring your date inside. Be sure to dress them if you create anatomically correct ones.
3. Using a spare drape or sheet, create a set of racing flags. Have your family and/or neighbors build their own snow-carts and have street racing on unplowed streets.
4. Play hide and seek with your kids! After bundling them up in layers and snowsuits, toss them into a snow drift, then call your husband or other kids find them while you go inside and enjoy the quiet. (If you have no kids, you may substitute pets.)
5. Prepare for the upcoming holidays by creating your own Valentines using presidents' portraits cut from your children’s schoolbooks.
6. Build a hot-air balloon using aluminum foil, a propane heating tank, plastic tarps, and a laundry basket. After setting it aloft, call the news and tell them you think your service animal was inside – or anything that might grab the newscasters’ attention from the snow.
7. Create macaroni pictures using pasta, matzo, flour-&-water paste, and food coloring. Be sure to use all edible ingredients and eat it later, because you won’t be able to get to the store for days.
8. Mix fireplace ash with the snow to create ethnic snow-people.
9. Make snow angels by playing chicken with the snowplows or tractor trailers.
10. Create your own crafts idea and submit it to SnowPanic.com.
The Roof, The Roof, The Roof Is On...The Floor
...at the Marriott Wardman Park. So, escaping to a hotel is not a complete solution to the day's events...
Neither rain nor snow, nor...oh, never mind.
Just heard on Channel 5 that the Post Office has suspended delivery for the area today. Good thing I don't have any Netflix to return. I guess we'd better watch the discs we have, since the power is still up.
Ask Dr. Snow Panic From Arizona
Dear Dr. Snowpanic,
I have been keeping a very close watch on the Snowpocalypse from my home in (sunny, warm) Arizona, because I am concerned for the welfare of relatives who live in the D.C area. The Weather Channel, however, only seems to have regular live coverage from Atlantic City and Philadelphia. Is it so bad in your area that all the weather reporters may have called in sick?
Sincerely,
Concerned Relative
Dear Concerned Relative,
I will have to take your word for it, because The Weather Channel is one of the channels we no longer receive from the satellite. I assume it will return in a week or so when the snow melts. The local stations, however, have found no shortage of reporters to send out into the snow and ask people why they have ventured into the snow, then film them as they try to dig the cars out.
For The Weather Channel, however, I suspect the problem is similar to when you read a story about the dangerous Yemeni insurgency and then notice that the story is datelined Cairo. Intrepid correspondents may have refused their orders to travel into the danger zone -- I do not know what sort of courtmartial provisions basic cable TV has.
Good luck!
-Dr. Snowpanic
I have been keeping a very close watch on the Snowpocalypse from my home in (sunny, warm) Arizona, because I am concerned for the welfare of relatives who live in the D.C area. The Weather Channel, however, only seems to have regular live coverage from Atlantic City and Philadelphia. Is it so bad in your area that all the weather reporters may have called in sick?
Sincerely,
Concerned Relative
Dear Concerned Relative,
I will have to take your word for it, because The Weather Channel is one of the channels we no longer receive from the satellite. I assume it will return in a week or so when the snow melts. The local stations, however, have found no shortage of reporters to send out into the snow and ask people why they have ventured into the snow, then film them as they try to dig the cars out.
For The Weather Channel, however, I suspect the problem is similar to when you read a story about the dangerous Yemeni insurgency and then notice that the story is datelined Cairo. Intrepid correspondents may have refused their orders to travel into the danger zone -- I do not know what sort of courtmartial provisions basic cable TV has.
Good luck!
-Dr. Snowpanic
Friday, February 5, 2010
Snow Crash
To use the term du jour, please, everyone, "shelter in place". The Washington Post reports a ridiculous number of crashes in Maryland and Virginia today.
Here at Snowpanic.com, we like to make light of the brouhaha, but if panic causes you to stay off the road, good.
- "A van ran into the back of a snow plow on Route 426 at Interstate 95."
- In Virginia, two men stopped to help another motorist and were hit by a tractor-trailer
Here at Snowpanic.com, we like to make light of the brouhaha, but if panic causes you to stay off the road, good.
Didn't See This One Coming...
Of all the hazards that people anticipated from Snowmaggedon, I don't think people at Washington Hospital Center expected to be evacuated because a snow plow caught fire.
Clean the Shelves!
Our Rich Snow Panic Heritage
"Washingtonians do not know how to drive in the snow: they slide and skid and spin their wheels and panic. By six o'clock traffic had stopped all over town. People abandoned their cars in snow drifts and marched grimly into the gale, heads down, newspapers wrapped around necks and stuffed under coats."
A description of today's chaos? Of course not! Nobody reads newspapers any more!
This nugget, Arthur Schlesinger's description of Kennedy's inauguration, was unearthed by Government Computer News. Yes, even in DC, publications with names like that weigh in on Snowmaggedon.
First Ask Dr. Snowpanic of the 2010 Snowmaggedon
Dear Dr. Snowpanic:
My friend BC is out of town [in some miserable place called Califunny] and is going to miss all the fun.
Can you suggest any words of solace to make him feel better?
(Of course, when he gets back and finds out his [so-called] friends drank all his beer; he'll really be in the cups...)
Regards,
Doing Without
Dear DW,
OK, Dr. Snowpanic is back from braving the crowds at his local Giant. He is also back from taking a nap to recover from braving the crowds at his local Giant, and is thus ready to dispense advice.
BC should not fear that he is missing all of the panicking. If there's one thing that will rival the scene at Giant just now, it's going to be the scene at the United counter at the airport Sunday, as displaced Marylanders mob the customer service agent with demands to be sent back...here? Just as science cannot explain the sudden spike in demand in milk and toilet paper that just transpired, neither can it explain air passengers' inability to chill and enjoy a few more days in the sun. BC should feel free to jump in the fracas to make up for what he's missing now. Bonus points if after clawing his way back for an important meeting on Monday, work ends up being closed.
Good luck!
-Dr. Snowpanic
My friend BC is out of town [in some miserable place called Califunny] and is going to miss all the fun.
Can you suggest any words of solace to make him feel better?
(Of course, when he gets back and finds out his [so-called] friends drank all his beer; he'll really be in the cups...)
Regards,
Doing Without
Dear DW,
OK, Dr. Snowpanic is back from braving the crowds at his local Giant. He is also back from taking a nap to recover from braving the crowds at his local Giant, and is thus ready to dispense advice.
BC should not fear that he is missing all of the panicking. If there's one thing that will rival the scene at Giant just now, it's going to be the scene at the United counter at the airport Sunday, as displaced Marylanders mob the customer service agent with demands to be sent back...here? Just as science cannot explain the sudden spike in demand in milk and toilet paper that just transpired, neither can it explain air passengers' inability to chill and enjoy a few more days in the sun. BC should feel free to jump in the fracas to make up for what he's missing now. Bonus points if after clawing his way back for an important meeting on Monday, work ends up being closed.
Good luck!
-Dr. Snowpanic
If you're not panicking yet, let this guy help you.
No Food for You!
According to the Channel 4 News at Noon, the Whole Foods on P Street in DC closed its doors last night due to overcrowding. Individuals temporarily locked out of the store panicked on the sidewalk until the green grocer began allowing people in to shop in shifts. One shopper described another shopper at the scene as screaming into her cell phone that she "didn't have any food," and wondering what to do.
Whole Foods P Street also closed early, as planned, to hold its regularly scheduled staff meeting. Clearly they are not panicking.
Dr. Snowpanic, armed with a short list, went to Safeway last night for simple sandwich stuffs and easy edibles such as fruit and chips. Mrs. SnowPanic stayed home due to slight illness. Unfortunately, we just discovered we forgot a few things (sodas! kindling!), and so may briefly brave the crowds again today. Under no circumstances will we be leaving the house after SnowPocalypse, episode 2.1 gets thoroughly underway. Any minute now....
Whole Foods P Street also closed early, as planned, to hold its regularly scheduled staff meeting. Clearly they are not panicking.
Dr. Snowpanic, armed with a short list, went to Safeway last night for simple sandwich stuffs and easy edibles such as fruit and chips. Mrs. SnowPanic stayed home due to slight illness. Unfortunately, we just discovered we forgot a few things (sodas! kindling!), and so may briefly brave the crowds again today. Under no circumstances will we be leaving the house after SnowPocalypse, episode 2.1 gets thoroughly underway. Any minute now....
They're Making Fun of Us!
Keep in mind that an INCH is a big deal in our nation's capital, capable of instilling dread, closing schools - inciting a run on area grocery stores in a mad-mass panic. I'm really not exaggerating. There is nothing more baffling (and on some level, humorous) than being in D.C. before a snow "event". The locals just go nuts. Imagine how they're feeling tonight, doing everything but barricading the doors and retreating to their basements.
And I thought Midwesterners were supposed to be polite.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Snow Panic or No Panic?
One of the things that I feel separates the DC-area approach to snow from that of the Midwest or New England is the fact that, for us, snow storms are isolated events. The Midwesterner thinks, "More snow? I'll have to shovel it onto the existing pile." The Marylander thinks, "Snow? I remember that as being trouble."
Except now, snow fatigue is setting in. The snow we got last night was dumped on top of the snow we got last weekend, and the snow we get next weekend will go on top of that. Washington may be sick of snow, but it's no longer intimidated by the white stuff. When I went out to shovel the walk this morning, I thought, "This looks like 3 inches of snow. Piece of cake."
I blame this blase attitude for the lack of fodder for yours truly at Snowpanic.com. If you see further incidents, send them in and I'll post them, but the attitude here seems to be, "Well, it's no Snowpocalypse."
PS Of course, none of this prevented our contractor from canceling on us this morning.
PPS The above picture was taken in Minnesota, June 1962. (Just kidding.)
Monday, February 1, 2010
Double Trouble
There are two storms headed our way in the DC area. On the one hand, there's only a 15% chance for each storm to exceed 4 inches -- on the other, that means that there's a nontrivial chance that we'll get three significant storms in one week. Panicking yet?
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